My Nano

Yesterday I went to Dumas to help clean out my Nano's house so it can be sold. She is in the nursing home there; alzheimers. I have gone the past few Mondays since Jerm is off on those days. He has been great about it, too. Doing all the errands, practices, cleaning I usually do even though he is tired and sore from work and recoverying from surgery.

It is so heartbreaking. Her daughter, my aunt Carrie, is who I am helping. Carrie is so amazing. I don't know how she does it. She has taken care of her daily by herself since the disease starting taker her from us. She kept nano home as long as she could. Bathed her, changed diapers, fed her, stayed with her. She goes to the nursing home several times a day to make sure she gets fed and doing okay. The shock of seeing nano if you haven't seen her in a few months can be brutal. There have been times I get there and I just can't stop the tears. I have been better lately, though, because I have been to see her regularly. I think she knew who I was yesterday for a few minutes. She can't really talk anymore, but she said "love you". And when I was saying Missy Dawn and TonyBoy (my dad) she kept eye contact and seemed to be following what I was saying. I just talked to her about when I was little and would stay the night and how proud she would be of "TonyBoy" and new machine and how well he was doing with the company. A few smiles and nods were amazing to get! She lived in the same house in Dumas for over 50 years! As we clean out, I have found such neat stuff about my family history and who they were. I have seen pictures of her mom's mom! I have so many memories of staying at Nano & Carrie's when I was little. I was there alot! It is so hard to go through her stuff and know she'll never be back or get to enjoy it any more. Carrie was so excited yesterday because she found her nano's wedding band. She said my nano, her mom, was heartbroken because she thought she had lost it. And she didn't, but she'll never know that. This disease is so cruel. It just can't be put into words. I knew my nano as a loving, sweet, caring grandmother who I knew loved me so much. I could just feel it when she would talk to me. She was such a snazzy dresser, too! Always matched--and I mean everything, from colored keds to jewelry! She would always buy me the prettiest outfits when I was little. I remember a specific set of overalls when I was in 5th. White with pretty pink summer colors, matching earrings, necklace, and shoes, too, I think. Anyway, she was also very intelligent, outspoken, and witty and a strong believer in God. To see her the way she is now is still hard to wrap my mind around. I often pray that God has her wrapped up in angels. That she can feel the comfort of his glory and love more that the prison of her mind she is in right now. I know God's spirit is always with us once we are believers, I just wonder how the spirit works for people like nano. That will be one thing I ask Him when I get to heaven!! Okay, now that I have bawled for 30 minutes, I better get back housework.