Thanksgiving Day

Well, here I sit. In my soft warm robe. Feet freshly exfoliated and moisturized, wrapped in warm socks. Face freshly masked and moisturized. In a completely quiet house at 2 pm on Thanksgiving. Jealous yet? Don't be!

Aidan was up all night throwing up. Very painful dry heaves every hour until 6 am. He is blissfully asleep now, after a very uncomfortable night. So, here I am alone with my thoughts this holiday--Oh Joy! Sage is hating us in Grapevine, Mary & Gary are torturing Slaton by phone, threatening lawsuits, texting Nathalia trying to break them up, etc. Yes, Mary and her hubby have no life and she is still fixated on ruining Jeremy's life no matter what. She is a sad old bat! Slaton is at his girlfriends House, Alek and Jerm are at his Grandma Tana's, which I was looking forward to this year. We haven't been in a while. I love his grandparents, they are fun to talk with and listen to.

Last year was the first year in my life I haven't looked forward to the holidays. I think I was disillusioned with a lot in my family, and I just couldn't ignore it anymore. It was very hard for me to let myself acknowledge a lot of things to myself--make sense? I had always felt so happy and blessed with so much family to be around and keep special traditions.

This holiday season is a little better, because I have just come to accept it. That's how things are and I was fooling myself to feel otherwise. I love my parents, and they gave me such a great childhood, and have been so giving my whole life. I love my brothers, too. I just have to accept how things are and deal. Which is getting easier this year. I just pull my boys in closer and thank God every day for them, and know how blessed I am no matter what and concentrate on making their holidays great. I want to give them the home and holiday memories and traditions that I had. It makes up so much of who I am. I am so glad Slaton is home, as are the boys and Jerm, of course. I want to see Slaton thrive here in Amarillo and be happy.

I'll quite blathering now. I think I hear a little blondie boy stirring down stairs! I am sure more random thoughts will come into words today, since I have no other distractions. I do feel better right now after writing, though. It is a bit therapeutic.

Thoughts on Slaton & Alek. . . .

Well, Slaton could only take four months of his mother so he is moving back to Amarillo. He should be here today. His "mom", Mary is a sorry sack of #?!@. Pardon my french! She hasn't done one thing for or with her boys in 9 years, and she couldn't even be a decent mom to him for a few weeks. He is very excited to be back. But he isn't moving back with us. Jeremy told him if he came back, he would not be able to move back into our house, but that we would help him out getting into a place, etc. Alek and Aidan are so excited to see him!!!!

On another note, I am not quite sure what to do or think about Alek. Last year he made alternate in the spelling bee. The morning of, he basically had a panic attack in the car when Jeremy was dropping him off, and begged not to have to go to school in case he had to take someones place. The thought of getting up in front of the whole school had him in meltdown mode. He didn't even study or try to do it, I guess spelling comes a bit easy to him, like it did me. Anyway, last nigt during prayers, he actually prayed not to make it into the spelling bee because he didn't want to get up in front of the kids! I mean, there are kids that try for this and don't make it, and he makes it pretty easily but doesn't want to do it. I was shy like that, and I am not sure what to do to get him over it or make it easier or better. I am afraid he is not trying at things for fear of having to perform or compete, and fear of failng. Examples; swim team, spelling bee, wrestling. I want him to excel and be proud of it, not scared of it. What if it spills over into his school work? Spiritual Life? Anyone have any suggestions?

Road Trip

On the way to and from Dumas today, this piece of song stuck in my mind, Holidays are going to be hard for so many people this year. . . . . .

Sometimes it’s in an instant

Sometimes we wait for years

But it comes down to the moment when faith eclipses fear

Your wandering is over The other side is real

You’ve broken through Your mountain

And mercy is revealed

His mercy is revealed,

yeah Yesterday is long Gone ….

Toby Mac, "Suddenly"

Aidan quote of the day

We are in the van. Aidan asks me to roll down a window. I said the side windows don't roll down, are you hot? He replies, "yes." I said okay, and reached to turn down the heater. Then Aidan says, "Not like sexy hot, but regular hot." LOVE THAT BOY!!

Book--The Shack

A few weeks ago I was lucky enough to go hear the author of "The Shack". He was in town and had an impromptu luncheon at a church to sign books and speak. My dad gave me the book to read before he read it. Needless to say, I could not put it down! In one day I read it. I had the author sign it to my Dad. Staci went with me. She is a new friend who I met through Amy and we had both loved the book. She is also a new Christian, and so fired up for the Lord--she reminds me of how the fire has dwindled in me and I need to get it going again!

The story of how God worked to put this book out blows my mind. It was really cool to hear that story from the guy who wrote it--not even intending for it to be anything but a story for his children outlining his healing process from years of turmoil and loss. It is hard to explain how the book has such an impact on people. I was sobbing, for joy and sorrow, guilt and hope, begging for forgiveness; it stirred up places in me I didn't know were there. For me, it brought God, Jesus, and Holy Spirit into a whole new light. It also made me look at Creation in a very different way. I am going to give my dad the signed book so he can read it, but I am still buying me a copy because it is something I will want to go back and re-read many times. My Dad and Aunt are going through such a shattering loss with their Mom, (Nano) I hope this book can somehow remind them of the comfort the immense Love of God provides.

"Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life."
Proverbs 4:23, NLT

This verse came in my email box yesterday. And I pray for God "to protects our hearts for Him" when the boys & I pray at night. It just scares me how hard this is going to be in this day and age as they grow older. I watched Dr. Phil earlier with Alek because it was about risky teenage behavior. Some new hallucinogenic drug that is legal, the choking game, crack called "cheese" or "strawberry quick" because they want to appeal to younger kids(actuall strawberry quick is added!). The knot in my stomach gets intense thinking about what my boys are going to face in the coming years, I feel so helpless. I felt like Alek talked openly with me and he understood what I wanted to tell him. He is only 10, and I am having to talk with him about drugs and same-sex couples. . . . . can you imagine this conversation with our own parents? Back then they just said it's wrong and don't do it or accept it. Heavin forbid we tell our kids being gay is wrong!!! Uggghhhh, anyway I won't go off, but it is really on my heart how much prayer these generations need to find their way thru all the crap out there that can stomp on their futures.

I also wanted to add I really had fun at "Birthday Club" last night. Thanks Amy & Amanda W. for inviting me in a few years back. I feel blessed to have a group of great Chrisian women I can go hang out with, laugh, and just have a good time! Never really had that before. . . . .

Conversation of the day with Aidan

Today I asked Aidan if he wanted to get married and have kids when grows up or stay not married. He replied, "Well, I don't want my wife to scream." I didn't know if i wanted to hear the answer to my next question but I asked anyway. "Why would your wife scream?". Well, he said, "When wives have babies they have to scream." Sounds logical to me--LOL

Halloween

We invited my Grandma Betty from Dumas to come stay the night with us on Halloween. She was excited. She drove in Friday afternoon and the plan was for her to spend the night, go to Alek's soccer game, let Jerm do her hair, and then she was going to drive back to Dumas. Unfortunately, that DID NOT happen. The first time my Grandma comes for an extended stay with me, I get to tell her first thing Saturday morning that a pumpkin was chunked through her window (not windshield, Dad!). For those of you who know, we have been dealing with several break-ins, thefts, and vandalism of our cars for several years. Well, that was just how I wanted to start her morning here! She ended up having to stay until Monday to get it fixed. Thanks to Uncle Jr. finding all the good places it wasn't way expensive to get it repaired. Jeremy cut and styled her hair--she loved it. Grandma says she rarely gets a cut, she does it herself. She loved it and looked so pretty! Man, the things I take for granted sometimes.

I also got to finally meet my beautiful 2nd cousin Amauriah at Alek's soccer game. We all live in Amarillo, but it took me six months to meet her. Terrible, huh? You did good Ashton, she's precious!

And we can't leave out the costumes, can we??

We had a great time and the boys were thrilled Great Grandma Betty came to visit. Hope she will come again--we'll just park her car in the front of the driveway!